MENTAL SHIFT 2: WHOSE CHILD IS IT ANYWAY?

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his post continues the 12 mental shifts I described in September—the mental shifts that have to occur to move from a clinical approach to a family-centered, functional approach. This time, the shift involves asking the question, Whose child is it anyway?

The question most often crops up when professionals and the family disagree. At least, it should crop up. The two disagreements are when families want to address something you don’t care about and when they don’t want to address something you do care about.

Families want to address something you don’t care about

Javier insisted his son, Carlos, should say please and thank you. Carlos could barely say mama and dada. The early interventionist thought there were much more functional words he should be learning next, such as more, yes, finished, eat, drink, and so on. She explained to Javier that these words could be useful in different routines and were generally easy for children to learn. She noticed, however, that Javier himself didn’t use them in playing or feeding Carlos but did model thank you and please. Then she remembered Whose child is it anyway? Not only is this a true and obvious statement but because Javier had this as a priority, he was motivated to work on it, so Carlos received the intervention frequently. Signing please and thank you do no harm and actually help Carlos learn about imitation, communication, and rituals—all important for learning and family routines.

What if Javier had wanted Carlos to use the toilet at 18 months? The early interventionist would have had an ethical obligation to provide Javier with information, which is another mantra of the Routines-BasedModel. We have an ethical obligation to provide families with information.

Families don’t want to address something you care about

Philomena is a physical therapist and is working with Rose and her family. Rose gets into a four-point position, on her hands and knees. She often then sits back on her ankles, but there’s no movement—no “creeping” on hands and knees, with the tummy off the floor. Philomena thinks this is important: It would help Rose learn about reciprocal movement and weight shifting, not to mention that it would be a more efficient way of moving than the commando crawl Rose did use. But Rose’s parents were politely lukewarm about creeping. They’d heard that many babies simply skip over creeping before learning to stand and eventually walk. Also, they didn’t like making Rose do things she didn’t want to do, and Rose had no interest in creeping, even with a towel slung under her belly and held up by an adult. Philomena incorrectly thought creeping was a prerequisite to walking; after all, it was next on the mobility developmental checklist. 

Then she remembered Whose child is it anyway? She’d given the parents information about weight shift and reciprocal movement, so she’d done her ethical duty. If the parents didn’t work on creeping, it wasn’t going to harm Rose. Even if Rose learned to move independently later than she would if she crept, so what? Early intervention doesn’t mean we have to push all skills to be learned as early as possible. If children or their caregivers aren’t interested, it’s futile to perseverate on the topic. 

A few weeks went by, when Rose’s mother said she wanted her to play more independently and for longer, so she could get dinner ready (the dreaded dinner preparation routine). Philomena worked with the mother to come up with solutions, and, on one visit, the mother said, “If it didn’t take her so long to get to her toys, she wouldn’t get fussy so quickly.” 

Philomena said, “How can we get her to be quicker? Or should we put the toys closer?”

“We need to get her moving better than that crawling she does.”

“We can certainly work on that, but that would require a grown-up with her, and you’re busy preparing dinner.”

“Maybe I can work on it when we’re just hanging out, playing in the living room,” said Rose’s mother.

“Is that a useful time for her to be able to move better?” asked Philomena.

“Yes, it’s the same issue. She can be more independent in her play.”

Asunción, Paraguay, where I recently spoke at the ORITEL Conference

This is an example of how, even when we acknowledge whose child it is, the skill might be addressed. It was only when Rose’s mother saw a functional need, for Rose to be engaged during dinner preparation, that the skill became a priority. After this conversation, perhaps even at another visit focused on play time, Philomena would have used family consultation (Mental Shift 12) to develop, with the mother, the specific intervention strategies.

The Age of Empathy

In the Harvard Business Review, Rita McGrath has written about the three great ages of management: execution, expertise, and empathy. The execution era was the one when the organization was a machine. The expertise era was the one when executives went from controlling others to coaching them. McGrath argues that we are now in an era when organizations look “to create complete and meaningful experiences”—era of empathy. 

Empathy extends to customers or consumers but also to employees. Implicit is the idea that management occurs through networks rather than through lines of command. What does this mean for human-service organizations? I propose that it has the following implications.

First, the CEO, president, or director, whatever the title of the top dog, coordinates and integrates decision making, rather than takes input and makes a decision. The sham of participatory decision making, which some CEOs don’t even know to claim, is that the subalterns participate in providing input but actually don’t participate in the decision. In integrated decision making, the team members (e.g., a “leadership” or “management” team) propose decisions and defend them. As decisions are discussed, (a) the team reaches a consensus, (b) the president concludes what the majority decision is, or (c) the president decides which decision is the most evidence based. Unfortunately, still, in many organizations, none of these factors leads to the decision.

Second, the director is more like an anthropologist than a director. He or she explores the culture and makes decisions that advance the service within the context of that culture. In one situation in which I found myself, the CEO paid attention to one cultural group, the board of directors, but not to other cultural groups: families (consumers), the community, and the staff. Self-preservation or COA (covering one’s posterior) is hardly a commendable trait. Today’s administrator should see what’s good for society, however large or small that might be, but I’m referring to the organization. The first priority should be the consumers (children and families), second should be the staff, and third should be community. The last priority should be the president and the board, but that takes possibly uncommon ethics, honor, and confidence. I’m optimistic enough to believe that if decisions are made from a place of empathy, the results will be good.

Third, the era of empathy suggests that organizations’ leaders should function transparently. A very few topics need to be handled discreetly, but a common problem is the director confiding in just one person, amazingly often the finance director. I know the temptation. In an administrative job I once had, I found myself in alliance with my budget person, often against my faculty. The budgetary pressures led to this unfortunate alliance, but I was operating as though we were still in the age of execution, where the budget person and I knew what was best and we exercised control over others. In the age of empathy, leaders should think first about how actions will affect others. 

Circular arguments abound in the leadership of nonprofit organizations, as they do whenever people have to make decisions about what’s best for someone else. In child custody cases, for example, judges make decisions about what’s “in the child’s best interest,” as though that were independent of the parents’ interests. An amazing lack of understanding about family systems theory. And judges rarely consult good research to help determine the child’s best interest. In organizations, CEOs and their sycophantic finance directors justify decisions similarly as being in the “best interest of the organization.” But when those decisions are made secretly, with false arguments to the board, and without empathy for consumers, staff, and the community, it’s difficult to agree they’re in the best interest of the organization.

Of course the easy argument is an economic one. Let’s cut out the thing that costs the most or returns the least, economically. Which is why a business mentality doesn’t work in the nonprofit or academic world. Because that thing might be the best thing going for the organization in terms of quality, reputation, or the overall well-being of the organization. If it is costly, then empathetic leaders (directors, deans, and board members) would realign resources to support that thing.

How is the theory of an “age of empathy” relevant in a leader’s feeling threatened by one or more faculty or staff members? Empathy is probably a convenient word beginning with e, to match execution and expertise. Those of us who grew up in the hippie or just-post-hippie era remember Leo Buscaglia, who wrote, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” Do they teach this in MBA programs? An empathetic CEO is not going to be threatened by someone with heart, intelligence, and drive. Rather, he or she would embrace this person as a strong ally, would learn from this person (ah, but that takes humility!), and would seek this person’s counsel. 

Buenos Aires last week

In conclusion, the age of empathy might be here but some organization leaders aren’t. Board members would be well advised to understand that empathy (genuine, not a histrionic facsimile) is a valuable trait in a president. Presidents would be well advised to practice empathy, to appreciate that relinquishing pride, self-interest, and secrecy actually open up the organization to a state of well-being. Staff would be well advised to determine whether their leaders operate from a place of empathy and, if not, and if they can afford it, leave such a situation. Consumers would be well advised to make the same determination and, if not, make a fuss to the board or whoever controls the purse strings. The time of empathy in management in human services has arrived; it probably arrived a long time ago. We should perhaps now be paying attention to it.

Routines-Based Most Frequently Named Model

Routines-Based Model is the most frequently named model in states’ improvement strategies

Using 2013 data, the ECTA Center identified “routines-based intervention” as the most frequently named model. Although this might have included other models, such as Family-Guided Routines-Based Intervention, it is also likely it referred to the Routines-Based Model, which is often erroneously called the RBI model. In the Routines-Based Model, the RBI is actually the Routines-Based Interview, only one of 17 components of the model. These data were reported in the Part C State Performance Plan/Annual Performance Report 2015 Indicator Analyses (U.S. Department of Education, 2015).

States wishing to pursue the Routines-Based Model as an improvement strategy should contact theramgroup0@gmail.com. Many levels of technical assistance are available, from presentations, through implementation planning, to ongoing coaching and technical assistance. One hundred certified RBI trainers are available to help, as well as experts on other components of the model. Currently, I personally am doing much of the consulting.

The model addresses three broad areas of service delivery: assessment and intervention planning, providing supports to children primarily through their families and teachers, and running classroom programs. Assessment and intervention planning include[1] the RBI, ecomaps, and participation-based and family outcomes/goals. Support provision includes the primary service provider approach or integrated therapy, family consultation (akin to coaching), and collaborative consultation to child care. Classroom management includes a focus on child engagement, systems change to fix the “hours and places” problem, and incidental teaching. See more at www.ramgroup.info and www.mcwilliamconsulting.com.

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[1] “Include” of course means this list is not exhaustive.