Readers will scoff at the idea that adult family members
with whom we work have no faults. I agree that most humans—in fact, those I
appreciate the most—are flawed. But this way of thinking about parents—that they
don’t have failings—the failings are ours—is a helpful one in early
intervention for children with disabilities birth to five.
This post continues the list
of mental shifts required to move from a clinical approach to a
family-centered, functional approach. It continues the theme of Mental Shift 4 on
the dangers of passing
judgment on parents.
What are some parent behaviors early interventionists might
see that could lead some professionals to view them as failings?
1.
Ineffective behavior management.
2.
Unresponsiveness to the child.
3.
Inadequate care of the child.
4.
Unfriendly behavior towards the early
interventionist.
5.
Substance abuse.
6.
Unhealthy personal habits.
7.
Constant conflict with others.
In the Routines-Based Model, we try to uncover why some of
these things occur and what we can do to help. Some of them occur because
parents don’t
have another frame than the one they’re using for interacting with their
child, caring for him or her, or their own eating and sleeping habits. In this
case, one role of the early interventionist is to present options to families.
When it comes to parenting behaviors, however, models close to the family’s demographic work
better than models far from their demographic. And often the divide between
parents and professionals is wide, in terms of race, ethnicity, educational
level, income, and so on.
When parents really are “failing,” as in inadequate care of
the child, we need to follow our state guidelines for reporting,
of course. But if it hasn’t reached that point, we need to develop our
relationship with the family so we can be honest with them about what needs to
change. When families know you have their best interest in mind (e.g., keeping
the family together, ensuring the child gets what he or she needs), they will
take what you have to say. If, however, they sense you’re passing judgment and
pitting children against parents, they won’t take what you have to say.
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| Piper and Lola |
When parents have their own issues, such as substance abuse,
crazy relationships with food, and unhealthy habits generally, the early
interventionist is in a difficult position. First, he or she has to consider
whether the parent’s behaviors are putting the child at risk. Second, the
professional needs to embrace the challenge of seizing the moment if the parent
expresses a need related to one of these issues. For example, if the parent
says, “I probably shouldn’t drink as much as I do,” the early interventionists
should follow up with questions about whether the parent wants help drinking
less and whether the parent feels the child is in danger when the parent is
drinking. It’s impossible to script out what to do, because relationships
differ, but the closer a professional gets to a parent, the more likely it is
the parent will talk about these issues.
When the issue is a so-called personality issue, such as the
parent being constantly confrontational, again carpe diem. If the parent gives
a bit of an opening, such as, “I don’t understand why everyone assumes I’m
hostile,” the early interventionist could say, “Perhaps that’s because you end
up yelling at people every time you talk to them.” If the professional has a
good relationship with the parent, he or she might be able to say such a thing.
If the relationship isn’t good, the statement would be considered hostile in
itself.
In general, professionals need to take responsibility for
helping the family when they appear to be “failing.”
